For the last three days, I have been living on various kinds of tea and whatever I can find in my family’s kitchen. My existence is very sad. Though interestingly enough, tea has the ability to make me feel joyful and absolutely careless. Curious, n’est pas?
I started class last night. It felt odd attending a college course in my high school. When I walked into the room, I couldn’t shake a feeling of awkwardness, as I inspected my classmates. Most of the people there were alumni of my high school, many of which wouldn’t have recognized me. But I recognized them. My professor is a young man, no older than 32. Wearing jeans and New Balance sneakers, he started class by saying, “Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let’s learn!” I noticed that his voice tended to jump an octave when he became excited. That happened a lot over the course of three hours and ten minutes. As a whole, the event was completely surreal, as if I had regressed in age and was sixteen again.
Many of my personal issues stem from taking things personally, holding grudges, and not letting go. I wish I knew psychology. I wish I could figure out why the human mind works a certain way. Perhaps this is a classic ‘Nature v. Nurture’ discussion. Can an individual be inclined to act a specific way based on one or the other? Or is a personality created through the interaction of both components? Just asking.
Laura, 8:59 pm
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Laura, also known as Lorah. Always in a New York state of mind. Nineteen years old, an introvert and idealist by nature. Impulsive, passionate and hopelessly romantic. A lost student trying to live deliberately.
I hold onto grudges as well. Even though somewhere in my head, I realize it’s all pointless and I shouldn’t take it so hard, my head never wins and I am in a perpetual state of anger at times. Such a waste of energy, yet I can do nothing to appease it.
So yes, I understand you completely on that front.
Comment by Ellie — February 1, 2007 at 2:25 pm