I started my job at American Eagle today. And although I am only getting paid minimum wage, it feels wonderful being productive. There is nothing worse than living a completely stagnant life. My co-workers seem very nice, and it is easy to keep busy in the store.

This week is going to be somewhat busy. I need to get to the library tomorrow and begin working on my research paper. I also have a bit of reading to do and a take-home quiz to finish before class on Tuesday. And of course, I always have to think about transfer applications: calling Bucknell and Gettysburg, and sending out transcript requests/forms to Richmond. Joy.

Heather and Claire, two of the very few “friends” I had at Richmond, are coming to New York for their spring break this weekend and we have big plans. We want to go into the City for a day, make a run to Stew’s for frozen yogurt, have a sleepover complete with girly movies, and a massive shopping trip. I’m glad they’re visiting, I miss being around real people– as opposed to my family. The week after that, Rob will be home for his spring break and I am so excited to see him.

I’m in the mood for summer– for Dave Matthews Band concerts, later sunsets, Rita’s Real Italian Ice, warm days, tank tops and sandals, trips to West Virginia, eating outdoors, taking walks. Only a few more months. I can hardly wait.

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep– that have taken hold.”

I wish I had something to write about, something inspiring or heartfelt. But I don’t– I have nothing.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

–e.e. cummings

Grey’s Anatomy is what I fall back on when the world won’t stop spinning or when I feel sad, mopey and empty. It’s perfect for those days when hiding in bed seems like the best option, hiding from the rest of the world. Each character has a special personality I can connect with– although most moments I feel like Meredith: scary and damaged. Luckily, there is just enough humor in the show to make me laugh, but not so much that it becomes annoying. I need to focus on other people’s drama and loneliness for a while.

I’m so tired of being home, I need to go back to college. Actually, I need to start applying again. Damn it. Please excuse this entry, I have been sick the past three days and I am doped up on cold medicine.

I miss the lovely blues and greens of spring. The starkness of winter depresses me.

While lying in bed the other night, I decided that before I die, I’d like to climb a mountain– possibly in the Rockies or the Alps. Someplace, somewhere. I am so allured by the thought of conquering a large land mass and the forces of Nature.

Last weekend, I visited my boyfriend, Rob, at Bucknell University. The time we spent together was beautiful, and I missed it so. Most of our weekend consisted of hanging around the dorm and attending various dry activities on campus. I wish I had friends like his while at Richmond; I wouldn’t have left if I did. Few college students seem to understand the value of sobriety anymore and it’s discouraging.

It probably sounds weird, but I liked observing Rob in different situations, the way he acts, and the way he speaks. I like to watch him be a guy and talk about sports, I like watching him do his homework, I like seeing him interact with new people and people I do not know. He’s the most engaging individual I have ever met and I always love the moments I experience and share with him.